Friday, April 25, 2014


I was going to title this post “Spring Cleaning”  and talk about how I plan to clean up my head and body and get stronger.  But I realized that this project will be much more than a spring cleaning.  I need a complete overhaul..

In the past 3 years my body has been under siege -

2 knee surgeries
3 breast biopsies
1 bilateral mastectomy
1 additional surgery to increase the margins around the removed tumor
6 weeks of radiation
1 course of  oral chemo
1 surgery for tissue expanders
1 surgery for implants
2 1/2 years of a 5 year course of estrogen killing meds which has taken a huge toll on my bones.  

In the past few years I have also taken some huge emotional hits.  My mother died.  Two beloved friends were taken tragically and long before their time.  My therapist/friend/savior died unexpectedly. My children went off to college.    My world has gotten much smaller.

I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the last three.   I am tired and slow and have allowed myself to feel physically and mentally old.   I have made excuses and not done what I know I could have/should have done.  I have sometimes felt sorry for myself.   I have become soft and flabby.   I have allowed Martha to take on more than her fair share.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve been backpacking.  I have not volunteered in quite awhile. I do very little socially.  And I have become lazy.   Very, very lazy.     

How did this become my default?

Right before my last surgery I got my bike back from it’s annual tune-up and asked Martha is she wanted to go for a ride. She responded “okay, but not one of your 100 mile, tortuous mountain rides.” At first I was flattered to think that she still thought I did 100 mile mountain rides.   But then I felt sad that it wasn’t all that long ago that I was that fit enough to do them.   I doubt I could do 10 miles now.

I have allowed myself to get soft.  Very soft.

This needs to change.

I have tried in the past to get back in shape. And I would be successful . . . temporarily. And then I had yet another expansion or surgery that would put me back at square one. Friggin' frustrating and disheartening.

But now, for the first time in a long time, I do not have any health challenges on the horizon.  My path is clear and I know what I need to do, although I often find that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Spring is a great time for renewal and growth and I am in need of some major work, both physically and mentally.   In order to keep myself accountable, I will be reporting my progress here.

Come watch me grow.


  1. Once your chest heals, we are off to the mountains. No more excuses. Unless my knees or shoulder are acting up : )

    I don't want to be a wet blanket on your overhaul, but you do know that you cannot get the rest of your body to match your new 20 year old boobs, right?

    1. I am so in need of the mountains. Soon???

  2. Sounds like a plan! You can do it. That is quite a lot that you have been through. Take it a day at a time.
    A mile at a time. We did our first bike ride the other day - it was 5.5 miles - and it felt good. I wish you luck!

    1. 5.5 mile for a first time out sounds pretty ambitious. I managed 3, very flat miles. It was a start. More than anything I need to work in my saddle butt. Ouch.

  3. You are inspiring me. I could stand a little exercise myself and truly have no excuse. But oh my, I hope you will be gentle with yourself and give yourself plenty of time to heal before conquering mountains. Slow and steady.

    1. I am being gentle. My chest is still pretty limiting but walking and biking and better eating are all very doable. And it feels sooooo good.

  4. As anxious as I am to get out and ride, weather, ailments, getting used to the new-ish work schedule and related commute, and . . yes, laziness. I've reached 10,000 (+) steps one day in the last 15 or so. Ugh. So yean, NOW is the time. Hi-ever, slow and steady, steady and slow.

    Onward, YO!!

  5. 10,000 steps in one day? That sounds like a great goal! I almost always walk to work but it is only 1/2 mile and not much of a workout since I take a leisurely stroll. It is more of a intentional time for me. But I do plan on walking my dog more as she sets a pretty fast pace. Onward for both of us!

  6. Congrats on getting out there for the first ride of the season! It feels good, doesn't it?
    I haven't gone through anything like what you have experienced these last few years, but I have let my own challenges slow me down. Time to get back out there and feel good!

    Yes, by all means, keep us updated on how you are doing. It will also serve as a reminder that we all need...