Overhaul

I was going to title this post “Spring Cleaning”  and talk about how I plan to clean up my head and body and get stronger.  But I realized that this project will be much more than a spring cleaning.  I need a complete overhaul..

In the past 3 years my body has been under siege -

2 knee surgeries

3 breast biopsies

1 bilateral mastectomy

1 additional surgery to increase the margins around the removed tumor

1 course of  oral chemo

1 surgery for tissue expanders

1 surgery for implants

2 1/2 years of a 5 year course of estrogen killing meds which has taken a huge toll on my bones.  

In the past few years I have also taken some huge emotional hits.  My mother died.  Two beloved friends were taken tragically and long before their time.  My therapist/friend/savior died unexpectedly. My children went off to college.    My world has gotten much smaller.

I feel like I’ve aged 20 years in the last three.   I am tired and slow and have allowed myself to feel physically and mentally old.   I have made excuses and not done what I know I could have/should have done.  I have sometimes felt sorry for myself.   I have become soft and flabby.   I have allowed Martha to take on more than her fair share.  I can’t remember the last time I’ve been backpacking.  I have not volunteered in quite awhile. I do very little socially.  And I have become lazy.   Very, very lazy.     

How did this become my default?

Right before my last surgery I got my bike back from it’s annual tune-up and asked Martha is she wanted to go for a ride. She responded “okay, but not one of your 100 mile, tortuous mountain rides.” At first I was flattered to think that she still thought I did 100 mile mountain rides.   But then I felt sad that it wasn’t all that long ago that I was that fit enough to do them.   I doubt I could do 10 miles now.

I have allowed myself to get soft.  Very soft.

This needs to change.

I have tried in the past to get back in shape. And I would be successful . . . temporarily. And then I had yet another expansion or surgery that would put me back at square one. Friggin' frustrating and disheartening.

But now, for the first time in a long time, I do not have any health challenges on the horizon.  My path is clear and I know what I need to do, although I often find that the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Spring is a great time for renewal and growth and I am in need of some major work, both physically and mentally.   In order to keep myself accountable, I will be reporting my progress here.

Come watch me grow.