Friday, March 5, 2010

Happiness is . . .

I realize that my last couple of posts have been on the depressing side. Although in real life I am not a depressed person. I have sad times that I have learned it is best to sit with until they pass and then get on with life. And that is what I do. Work, laundry, dinner with friends - all the everyday little things that make up my happy little life.

And I am happy. I do not want to give the impression that I constantly live in the past, or with the ghosts of my past. I love Martha, and together we have created this strange controlled chaos we call our tribe - two remarkable daughters, our friends, their friends, family, neighbors, teams. I have a very abundant life - surrounded by love. Over abundant in love really, if there can be such a thing. And perhaps one of the biggest reasons I appreciate all that I have is because I know how impermanent relationships and life can be. Cherish them while you can.

I had sent my therapist the stuff I wrote about Daphne. She was impressed. And then I sent her the comments you folks left on that piece. She was more than impressed. Happiness is when you lay your heart bare on a blog page and total strangers pick it up and hold it gently together in the palm of their hands. Can’t thank you enough for that. Seriously.

Happiness is when your eldest daughter finally decides were she wants to go to college and seems certain of her choice. Happiness gets a little unsteady when she then gets a letter from the college she didn’t chose saying they would give her $29k a year in academic and leadership scholarships. And we’re saying ‘no’ to that? (And a little happiness to Haizey - yes she has chosen the school that has a female rugby team : )

Happiness is when your younger daughter, who has always lived in the athletic shadow of her big sister, gets a call from a national scout interested in her field hockey talent. And just won a state leadership thing where she is being sent to an all expense paid week of leadership training. Her sister has been a hard act to follow and it makes me smile to see her getting a share of the spotlight.

Happiness is when there is an office discussion on “The Bachelor” and, in front of my ‘born again’ secretary I say that it really bothers me that gays can’t marry because it would destroy the ‘sanctity of marriage’ but no one objects to a man choosing his bride by making out with a series of strangers every week - and my secretary agrees and says that gays should be able to marry. And every jaw in the room drops.

And happiness is just finding out that Cate Blanchett is going to play Maid Marian in a new Robin Hood movie. Can’t get much more happy than that . . .


  1. and my secretary agrees and says that gays should be able to marry. And every jaw in the room drops.

    That just made my day! Yet another example of how knowing people and coming to love them can break down walls.

    I do not want to give the impression that I constantly live in the past, or with the ghosts of my past.

    FWIW, I have never had that impression of you. But our life experiences shape who we are. By sharing yours--the good and the bad--you give hope to others. And, as your story about your secretary shows, you are making a difference in the world...just by being who you are.

    I'd call that a pretty good example for the rest of us.


  2. The entire post made me happy. Good for Beanie and Peachie and their accomplishments. You must be very proud.

  3. I am new to your blog and love reading you. I like the way you express your thoughts, I lack in doing that. I guess my writing I think is as rough as I am in real life.
    Sounds like you have an awesome family. Looking forward to read your post forward and the ones I have missed.
    Thank you

  4. Welcome LesbianEquinox. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  5. Good for you and all the happy things in your life. It is so inspirational that even though you are still working through your past, you show everyone who reads your blog how to keep reaching for the good things that are always possible. Thank you so much for that.

  6. I never doubted that you have a lot of happiness in your life, you show that in your posts about your family, in all they say and do and you are right there in the mix with them.

    Besides, can I just remind you of snow angels ...

    And yes, I laughed, lots, when I read your daughter had chosen the college with the womens rubgy team. she rocks!

  7. Thank you for choosing a pic of Cate in a suit. Those are my favorite. wow

    I'm really happy to hear about both your daughters doing so well. These are very important years for them and they are on a good path. It's an amazing feeling to see the prize at the end of so much hard work. They both deserve it.

  8. It is amazing that you write as clearly and insightfully about the wonder your life contains as you do about the hard history you face so bravely. Much more difficult to express happy and do it well.