Friday, June 10, 2011

Breathe In

This weekend is going to be one hell of a ride. Tonight a couple of Beanie’s friends are coming in for the weekend. Saturday is Peachie’s senior prom. This will create much activity and chaos in my household. Last year she was voted best dressed at her junior prom so she has set the bar very high for herself. Hair. Makeup. It will all be high art. I plan to work out in my garden and stay out of her way until its time for pictures.

After the prom 22 of her friends, plus Beanie’s friends, will be coming to our lake house for the after prom party. Our very small, one bathroom, cabin. This will be wall to wall teenagers. Up all night. I am praying that I, and the septic system, survive this experience.

On Sunday I am doing what I hope will be my final hypnotherapy. This will be the one where I face my last remaining demon. The thing that I have never been able to talk about. The thing that I believe my mind has been protecting me from for all these many years. The thing that I always sense in my peripheral vision but cannot name.

Just a few months ago I would have said that I was afraid that facing it would kill me. But my therapist has worked very hard to prepare me for this. We have done trial hypnoses, dress rehearsals so to speak, getting me comfortable with the idea of it. More confident. Getting closer and closer to that last behemoth. So today I am afraid that what I am facing will be very scary. Probably very painful. But I am ready to try because I know this is it. The final wall I need to push through.

That is my weekend.

Breathe out.


  1. Saturday night you have to do on your own. But Sunday, we will all be here to support you.

    You can do this.

  2. Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. - Helen Keller

    In your quest to do something strong, difficult and ultimately, heroic you are not alone. Believe in yourself, the recovery process, your support system and your final goal.

  3. I pray for you frequently, but I will be very intentional about it this weekend, my friend. I will ask the Holy Spirit to enfold you in her sheltering wings and give you the strength you need and the comfort of knowing that you are surrounded by the love of many--even in your darkest hours.

    Peace and blessings,

  4. That's quite a weekend. Beyond exhausting! What good parents you are to have all of those kids at your house. They all love you.

    What time is your therapy appointment? I want to have you firmly in mind at that time.

    Remember how strong you are, and how supported. Remember to be compassionate with your younger self.

    I'll be holding your hand, every step of the way.