Monday, August 30, 2010

Trail of Tears

Beanie goes to college.

Ever since Beanie’s graduation at the end of June, she has been on the goodbye tour. All of July she went to graduation parties. Come August, some of the kids who were playing fall sports began to leave and the goodbyes started.

This past Saturday was Beanie’s turn to leave. Thursday her boyfriend came for dinner. He is leaving for 6 months training having joined the Air National Guard. They agreed to break up as they were both about to start new chapters of their lives. He stayed overnight, they went for breakfast, she came home sobbing. I looked at her and started to cry too.

On Friday her best friends came over. Beanie has been friends with L since preschool, K since kindergarten. They brought a bunch of junk food and went downstairs to stroll down memory lane, cry, and swear forever friendship to each other. I got very teary saying good bye to them, L leaves today, K is going to college locally, lamenting that she will be all alone. I have known them for 15 years and I love them as if they were my own. Everyone left crying.

In the wee hours of Saturday morning Martha, who obviously could not sleep, spooned up behind me and asked “she’s going to be okay, right?” “She’ll be more than okay, she’ll be great”, I answered. And then Martha started to cry. In all the years I’ve known her, I could count on one hand the number of times I have seen her cry. I just held her until we really had to get up.

We drove two cars to be able to hold all her stuff, Beanie riding with Martha. The move in itself was massive organized chaos. Beanie’s roommate is a fashion major which will hopefully rub off on my daughter who spends 80% of her time in basketball shorts and tanks. We had anticipated the goodbye there being the worst, but it wasn’t too bad. Leaving her at numerous sport’s camps at college campuses since she was 14 really gave us a lot of practice. She said goodbye to me and Martha and asked to have a few minutes alone with her sister. Peachie swore she wouldn’t cry. She did.

I was doing okay Sunday until when I passed by her empty room. Tears welling. Then I went grocery shopping. I kept reaching for things - Beanies’ favorite cereal, her favorite cookies, etc. Yep, started to lose it. Later L and K came back to our house with ice cream to cheer us up. I forget we are not the only ones who will miss her.

Beanie is having is having fun. She went to her first frat party Saturday night. We skyped her last night and she had 10 people in her (very tiny) room. I have no doubt that she will totally enjoy her college experience.

Today the pool needs to be vacuumed. Crap, that was Beanie’s job. I guess its mine now.

Yep. I am going to miss her.


  1. It will get easier. At least the crying part.

    When does she come home again?

  2. LOL I remember the feeling... don't worry the little bastards come back eventually.


    (just kidding, but it does go by quick!)

  3. Do you ever return a phone call?

    I need her address !

  4. This was enough to make anyone cry. Still, at least you had plenty of company to cry along with you.

  5. I cried while reading this. There is obviously a lot of love in this family. Before you know it, Thanksgiving will be here and Beanie will be home for the holidays. The letting go will get easier - that's what my mom told me anyways. :)

  6. My son started high school last week. Even that was a little difficult--maybe because I am watching you and seeing what will happen very, very soon.

    But you have done what good parents are supposed to do. You have raised her to be independent of you. I hope you can pat yourself on the back for that through your tears. :-)


  7. Love and tears.

    I swear, you spend all these years raising your children and then they LEAVE YOU! How unfair! Miserable ingrates! :-)

    How lucky you all are to be surrounded by so much love.

    (((mom hug)))

  8. There is so much love in this post, so much history, reading between the lines. Congrats on raising someone so obviously well prepared to fly on her own, that's kudos to you. It's definitely bittersweet, but I'm glad that she's having fun already. It will get easier.