Filling in the Blanks

This weekend I was suppose to take a two day, overnight hike with my friend Ren. But since the weather report was for rain on Sunday we made it just a short day hike Saturday. The state of my achy foot and her bad knees had nothing to do with that decision. (That is our story and we are sticking to it)

I have known Ren for a lot of years. She knew me before I met Daphne, we were all friends together, and she helped keep me afloat for many a long time after. In all those intervening years, we have never talked about Daphne or what happened. I believe I had made it quite clear, early on, that I could not/would not talk about it.

But now, now I am beginning to feel ready. And so, out in the beauty of the Adirondack mountains, I asked her to fill in some blanks. Especially those gaps in time where I can’t remember anything. And we talked about some of the good times we all shared together. Hard to describe my feelings about that. Bittersweet.

After reading my post about the things that haunt me most, she suggested that I get in touch with my minister from that time. She remembered that he had gone to the hospital to talk to Daphne parents about me being able to see her. Really? And so when we got home I spent some time on the internet and phone tracking him down, which was a little difficult since he is no longer a minister. But find him I did. We chatted for a while. This week I am driving out to see him so we can catch up. I feel rather guilty that I let that relationship slide, especially in light of how much he took care of me, and gave me sanctuary in every sense of that word. I am looking forward to this on many levels.

Still, as much as I need to get healthy by revisiting my past, I also need to enjoy the here and now. So Sunday - which threatened rain in the early morning but turned out to be a beautiful, sunny day - I spent the day with my daughters, topless sunbathing in the backyard, listening to their teenage dramas, laughing, making summer plans, cooling off in the pool. Later, both their boyfriends came for a barbeque. Yeah, its a tough life . . .




An almost perfect weekend except for the Yankees losing the series to the Mets which put Martha in a foul mood, and found me losing yet another sports bet, this time to the always amazing Greg.