MIA

Wow, I didn’t realize it has been such a long time since I’ve been missing in action on this blog.

The long and the short of it is this - therapy has been moving ahead, perhaps too quickly. I have long known the one of my biggest coping mechanisms has been to tangentially acknowledge what happened to Daphne that day, and not what happened to me. In this way (my therapist tells me) I could cope with all those devastating emotional reactions as happening to someone else without them threatening my own core self. Or something like that.

And then, in the last few weeks, an avalanche of triggers occurred that brought too much of it home to me. The remembering of the broken foot, a retelling of the story as remembered by my former minister, uniquely disturbing dreams, and numerous flashbacks so deeply personal and traumatic to me I can’t yet acknowledge them, much less describe them.

This has left me rather depressed and unpredictable although I know this is the landscape I have long avoided, but desperately need to cross. Unfortunately I have arrived here at a particularly busy time of year with sports and awards banquets, getting ready for college, end of school year stuff, birthdays, etc. And Martha has let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I have also been missing in action as a parent. So I have been trying hard to rectify that. Having recently lost my church, an internet friend, and now a very close personal friend who is leaving the country, I am ill equipped for any further losses, and Martha will only tolerate so much.

And so I am trying to maintain a better balance.

And I will try to be back here more often too.