Thursday, October 9, 2014

25 years

Yesterday Martha and I were to celebrate our 25th year together.  We have been together longer but we mark our anniversary as the day we went to the beach, exchanged rings and made a commitment to help each other on our journeys.  

Someone had asked me how we have been so successful and I had started to write this post about how we have managed to navigate this relationship for 25 years through crazy family issues, PTSD, having babies, counseling through the ‘I hate you’ times, sports, boyfriends, financial stresses, getting the girls to and through college, an empty nest and still managed to not only like each other but to keep the love alive and thriving.

We had gone away last weekend for some ‘us’ time and had planned a special dinner for last night.  Instead, yesterday our town experienced a horrific quadruple homicide.  Two of the victims were children aged 7 and 10, both were Martha’s students.  She is, of course, devastated, as is our entire community.   She, being a retired cop, was able to get more information than was being released to the media and we knew more of the gruesome details than most.

So instead of the romantic dinner, we spent the evening crying and hugging and praying and being grateful for still being able to hug our own children, and basically clinging to each other like life rafts through the night.

Today, I realized that this is what love is and what love does.  This is how we have navigated our 25 years together.  Our relationship has been far from perfect.  We have had ugly fights and pushed each other to extreme frustration and I have taken more cooling off walks around the block than I care to think about.  But we have been able to love and grow with each other for 25 years because we show up daily to help each other on our journeys - not just the fun and sexy times but when the journey gets hard.   Painfully hard.  

Love shows up.  


  1. Showing up for me since 1982!

  2. Congratulations on such an auspicious life event. It's also heartening to read that you feel your success is due to showing up and hanging in there - as someone just starting out (again!) I aim to make this one last at least 25 years, hopefully longer and that's a big part I already see happening.

  3. I am so, so sorry about the tragedy in your town. I dated a cop many years ago - so long ago that the cop was a him- and I remember him coming back from that sort of scene and we cried together and I don't know that I ever got completely over that, even being once removed from it, almost 30 years later. I will never understand why these things happen. Never. I am very sorry.

    I have a pin on my pinterest that says, "a perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other." I'm glad you have that. Happy anniversary.

  4. Congratulations. Kudos to you two to keep showing up and do what needs doing.

    My heart aches for your community.

  5. That story was on the news, even here. How terribly sad. I am so glad that you have each other to get you through these unbearable times. I hope your next 25 years has much more of the sexy, fun stuff.

    Happy anniversary!

  6. Congratulations and I hope you have many, many more years together!!!

    I hope you can both continue to help each other through that tragic event. It is always awful but even more so when it strikes close to home.

  7. I am so, so sorry to hear of such a horrible tragedy touching your lives. It can certainly lead to despair. I'm very glad that the two of you are able to comfort each other and hold on.

    Sometimes that's all we've got -- the tenacity to hold on.

    Congratulations on 25 years. In anyone's book, that's a win.

  8. I've known my wife since we were 18, so almost 4 decades. No one knows me better and there is no one whom I trust more than she. But, there is no one that can piss me off more than she does too. Yup. That intimacy thing flows both ways....

  9. Absolutely - you "celebrated" in the way that made the most sense given the circumstances.