Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Speaking Too Soon

Obviously I tempted the fates when I rejoiced in a whole week without a loved one in the hospital.  Last night Peachie woke us up around 1 am to say she was having back pain.   She had recently returned from a beach vacation where she had been jet skiing so my first  thought was that she had wrenched her back.  But when I pulled myself out of bed and saw her doubled over in pain, I recognized it.  Kidney stones.  I have had four and I know that look of OMG this effin’ hurts!  So off to the emergency we went.

Fortunately it wasn't very crowded and they quickly escorted us to a cubby (they really don’t have rooms in the emergency room) to be examined.   I froze.  I felt it coming.   I didn't realize that I have not been in an emergency room since I was there after the assault.  I have absolutely no memory of it, I only know from being told I was there.   But walking down that hall I felt the wave of terror coming.  Martha must have see too because she very calming looked me in the eye and said “Go take a walk.  Then come back.  Your daughter needs you.”  

I went back into the fresh air and started doing all my anxiety parlor tricks.  And I kept thinking  “I am over this now.  I will not go back to fear.  I have a core of iron (thank you e for that image I often use).   I am stronger than my past and any trigger.”  

And it passed.

I walked back into the ER - no I strutted back into the ER.   I sat and held my daughter’s hand until they gave her some happy drugs.   And six hours later we heard the happy news that it was not a kidney stone but a wicked kidney infection.  A heavy dose of antibiotics and home we came.

I have been sitting for awhile thinking.  I spoke too soon on loved ones in the hospital.   (Maybe next week will be a medical free week).   But I also recently wrote about reaching a new plateau in my healing recovery.  I wrote it hoping against hope that it was true.  And now, now I am truly beginning to believe it.   Can PTSD be cured?  I really don’t know.  But I am beginning to feel confident that it can be successfully managed?   Yes.  Yes I am.

And now I am going to bed, happy with these victories, and hoping that I wake up to at least two SCOTUS decisions to celebrate.


  1. Wow, so relieved that the Peach is okay. And so damned proud of you. Rest now. Party (hopefully) later!

    1. It's going to take me weeks to recuperate from staying awake all night. But how nice to wake up to this news! And Peachie is doing great.

  2. Good news all around. You and your family, and all our families, have so much to celebrate today.

    Justice today for some. Yet so much work left to do for all after yesterday's decision. *sigh*

    1. My joy today is tempered by those who were ignored yesterday, and for all those in states where they still can't marry. There is no rest until we have equality for every single one.

  3. Wow! Well done, you! What an achievement, what a victory. You *do* have a core of iron and woman, you are strong!

    I'm very relieved that Peachie has 'just' a kidney infection. A whole lot better than passing a stone, that's for sure.

    How much did it help, do you think, that Martha gave you the look and demanded that you be there for the kid? That definitely adds a layer...

    So very, very proud of you, 8, and hope you are proud of yourself. This is a real victory.

    And, yay SCOTUS! Step one in the right direction!

    1. Your comment made me laugh - yes, I think the fear of Martha is much scarier than anything PTSD throws at me : )

      I am proud e. I really am. You have been with me through much of this journey and giving so much support. I am even more proud to call you friend.

  4. AnonymousJune 26, 2013

    I think this is amazing, actually. And I agree. For me, PTSD hasn't ever gone away. But except for an extreme situation, It's been manageable for years.

    Very glad this went so well for you. Well done.

    Glad Peachie is okay. (Infections like that one are horrid! I feel for the poor kid.)

    And the Supreme Court did well today.

    1. Yeah, I think I am in the camp that says it is manageable but not curable. I think there is always that one trigger just waiting for it's opportunity . . .

      Once those antibiotics kicked in, Peachie made remarkable improvement.

      And yes, thumbs up to the Supremes but still so much work to be done.

  5. AnonymousJune 28, 2013

    Glad all is okay with Peachie and good for you on going in and making a new memory of the ER. Seems like Martha knows when to push - we all need that!

    Have a great weekend.

  6. Thanks! It's funny because I don't have any conscious memory of being in an ER yet it's in there somewhere. The mind is a very awesomely weird place.

    I hope you have a great weekend too!

  7. I'm glad your daughter is on the road to full recovery; that her situation wasn't more serious. Whew.

    Now, someone queue up Martha and the Vandellas