Thursday, December 29, 2011

It Looks Worse Than it Feels

Warning:  I have included a picture of my new, boobless chest.   It is very bruised and might be disturbing/triggering to some.

Yesterday I had the drains removed. Holy effing ouch ! 

That's all I'm going to say about that.

Having the majority of surgical tape removed has given me a much greater range of motion but I have a long way to go before I will be able to raise my arms over my head.  Physical therapy a la Peachie begins today.

The pathology report was good.  No metastasises in the lymph nodes.  I still need to see the oncologist, but at least there is no immediate red flags. 

I can now shower!!!!  I can't reach up to wash my hair or reach down to shave my legs and I think it will eons before I can shave my pits.  Argggghh.    But hey, Rome wasn't built in  a day. 

The deep bruising close to my armpit had been all over my chest so this is a major improvement.   And perhaps most meaningful to me is that I have now been able to look my body and not go into extreme trigger mode.  As much as this visual brings me back to a day the had the shit kicked out of me, I have been able to stay in the present without flashbacks.   I consider this a major victory and a very real confirmation that I am healing in many, many ways.

I apparently also need to get back to the gym and work on those abs.  


  1. It does look like you are healing well. I am glad that you have been able to find greater range of motion, and no metastasies, and a sense of calm as you look at your body.

    Continued healing vibes, love, and light.

  2. I must say that you are really doing well and am so glad. And I am especially glad that you are not triggering.

    I'm so glad, 8th, I really am.

    And like MS, continued love, light and all good things your way!

  3. Amazing!!!

    You. Your body. The ways you are healing. The lab report. The (blessed) lack of flashbacks. Your grace in the face of everything.

    All of it.

    I am doing the Snoopy Dance of Joy down here--and eating cocoa-covered truffles in your honor! :-)


  4. Your strength, attiude and "can do" outlook is amazing. I am so happy and relieved that your healing is progressing positively.

    Please call if you need anything at all.

  5. Thank you for being my mentor and friend and for showing how to face each challenge with such courage and grace.

  6. Ouch. One day at a time - our bodies have a capacity to heal themselves with our help.

  7. Snoopy dance here too. Glad that you are through the hard part and can focus on the healing. When my sister-in-law went through the boobless time she told me she wanted double-d's. So I knit some soft ones for her to use in her bra.

    Blessings for a healing year.

  8. I await this surgery and I am really scared. Your honesty and courage is encouraging.

    1. Please contact me at 8thdayplanner at gmail dot com. I would be happy to chat with you about what you can expect and some tricks to make the recovery much easier. But trust me - the anticipation is 100 times worse than the actual procedure. And it truly did look worse than it felt.

      I am almost 3 years past the initial surgery and I continue to feel great and get stronger. I do hope to hear from you, but if not, good luck. I will be sending positive and healing energy.