Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Down to One

Yesterday we took Peachie to college. Because she is going to play a fall sport, she had to report two weeks early to start practices. Which means we had to leave her in a near empty dorm. No roommate. No one else in her hallway. No food service until Friday. No TV service. No security. I was not happy.

I am much closer to Peachie than I am to my older daughter Beanie. There are many reasons for this - but mostly I think it’s because we are both younger sisters to very popular, very attractive older sisters. Peachie lived in the shadow of her prettier, smarter, more athletic sister for many years. I could totally empathize. Although eventually Peachie did come into her own. (As did I, but it took me a lot longer)

The week leading up to the move had been stressful. First Martha whacked me upside the head (figuratively) and told me to get my head out of my ass - a lot stuff needed to be done. (I have been out of sorts lately. Maybe more than I realized) Beanie and Peachie were all over each other during the days arguing over whose clothes/makeup/jewelry were whose - yet sweetly spooned together in the same bed every night. And we were all getting on Peachie about how much she was packing. Three huge boxes of shoes did seem excessive.

We needed to take two cars to fit it all so we had to arrange who would ride with whom. Martha wanted to take Peachie, but Peachie asked if she could go with me. When asked why she said "Martha will spend the whole 3 hour ride lecturing me about being safe, working hard and making good decisions." Well, I’m going to talk to you about the same things, I said. "Yeah", she replied, "but you’ll say it all in 15 minutes." True. So it was settled that I would take her but then I wound up getting a 3 hour lecture from Martha about everything I should talk to Peachie about. Oy.

Because I was really unhappy about Peachie being all alone her first night, Beanie offered to stay with her and drive home the next morning. Then Martha was concerned that the girls would stay up all night and Beanie shouldn’t drive home alone, so she arranged to stay with a friend nearby and come home with Beanie in the morning. After we lugged entirely too much crap up 3 flights of stairs, rearranged the room numerous times to Peachie’s liking, made the bed, set up the electronics, and went out for an early dinner, I gave my baby girl a big hug, and whispered my last "I love you." I then left my entire family there and drove home alone.

Big mistake. I had barely left the parking lot before I had to pull over and wait (a long time) for the tears to subside. Then I had to drive through the city where the sexual assault took place, (which usually does not bother me) but with the loss of my therapist it seemed too raw and I had to pull over having an anxiety attack.

I finally managed to get myself home and found this on the kitchen counter.

With it, a note:

Here’s a little something to help lift your spirits. Enjoy!

It was left by Beanie’s friend from Bet Freds days who had come to feed the pets, and her mother with whom I have exchanged a box of chocolate many times over the years.

I sent a 'thank you' text - This will definitely lift my spirits. Unfortunately it will have the opposite effect on my ass.

Then I took my chocolate and curled up in Peachie’s empty bed and cried myself to sleep.

God I am going to miss her.

And then I get to do it all over again next week when we take Beanie back to school.


  1. I have already talked to her. She has a busy day with the team and then I am picking her up later for some late night food.

    Don't worry mom, I will watch over your baby.

  2. It is never easy watching them leave but take comfort in knowing you have prepared her well.

    And they do come back . . .

    I pray you find some peace with all the transitions in your life lately.

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  4. Oh much emotion in one post. I am sending a swimming pool full of cyber tea and sympathy your way.

    So it was settled that I would take her but then I wound up getting a 3 hour lecture from Martha about everything I should talk to Peachie about.

    That made me laugh out loud... ;-)

    Friends who bring chocolate are friends indeed... (And don't worry about your ass. It will be fine. :-)

  5. Hoo whee! It is hard! It is so damned hard!

    I think it is probably a good thing that you came home alone. That way you have a little time to wallow in the sadness before you have to suck it up and be an adult.

    I do the same thing when my kid leaves - spend the night in her bed before I change the sheets. It's as close as we can get to them.

    You'll be ok. Stay busy (as if you don't all the time anyway), but let yourself miss her. That's how you should feel! Eventually the tide of daily life will even out.


  6. Goodness. Sending more chocolate vibes. (Also, is it wrong that Martha cracks me up?)

    Cyberhugs to all who need them.