Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Full of Grace

Last week I was once again diagnosed with breast cancer, which was not great news to hear. Yet still there is much to be grateful for:

1. 11 years of remission which made me ultra aware and grateful for every single healthy day I’ve had.

2. Early detection has hopefully caught it the early stages. The next two weeks are a blur of medical appointments and tests to determine exactly what I’m dealing with and formulating a plan.

3. Having a job that not only covers all my medical expenses, but also allows me the freedom to go to all these appointments with very little hassle.

4. Because I’ve had so many breast issues, I already have a wonderful medical team in place. I have full confidence in them and know that I’ll get the most compassionate and best medical care available.

5. Martha, who was my rock last time I went through this. There is so much comfort in knowing I do not have to do any of this alone.  

I often give rides to women for their chemo or radiation treatments and I know how difficult it is for some - lousy insurance, jobs with little flexibility, few family or friends to help with the daily transportation needs.  Cancer is never a welcome diagnosis, but I do appreciate the amount of support I have to get through it.   I can't imagine having all that additional stress.

Also, during the past few weeks I have purposefully been avoiding the internet as I have been experiencing a wave of PTSD symptoms and the internet is just riddled with triggers for me - every day another story of corrective rape, gay teen suicide, another gay person bashed, etc.   I needed to escape it for awhile. However, I have also been ignoring the advise I give most other sufferers when they are down - keep talking/writing about it. It’s very therapeutic. And so I will try.  I will also try to catch up on favorite blogs and email.  Soon. I hope. Very soon.

And please go check out this wonderful website - www.Wish11Eleven.com - a community art project where wishes will be posted much like PostSecret.  Go on, you know you have some wonderful things to wish for . . .


  1. I didn't know you had gone through breast cancer before. It does not surprise me that with your positive attitude you beat it once and that you will beat it again. If there is anything I can do to help with rides, food, etc. please don't hesitate to call on me. Meanwhile I will be praying for your speedy recovery on both the emotional and physical issues.


  2. Prayers without ceasing, my friend. I'm glad to know that you have such a strong set of supports in your "real life." I hope you will let your Invisible Friends know what we can do to support you too.


  3. Tea and chocolate always on tap here.

  4. Sending love and light. And wishing it could be more.

  5. oh, god, no!

    8, you know I am here for you, albeit on the left coast. Please, please, please let me do something to help you through this. Even if it's just sending chocolate! No, I take that back, sending chocolate is not enough. Sending you love and hugs and tea and sympathy is not enough. I know you have Martha and the girls, and many, many friends but, please think of something I can do to lighten your load or assist in any way or or or somehow be there for you.

    So much love, and prayers and positive thinking, and holding the good thought.

    Here for you, always,

  6. You are blessed to have a circle of friends to support and sustain you through this new challenge.

    I will be praying for wellness in your body, mind and spirit.

  7. I am sorry to hear that you have to go through that again. Cancer is a bitch. I am will send healing thoughts your way.

  8. I am really sorry to hear of your health problems.

    I also struggle with the internet. Am I becoming more sensitive to it or is there much, much more violence against women and gays? Sometimes I can't get out of bed for fear of it.

    Yes. Keep writing and talking. This is your space to work it out.

  9. Nothing really seems adequate here, so I'll just say that as always, love and light.

  10. I'm very sorry to hear that - be strong and wishing you all the best in a quick recovery. Green smoothies!

  11. If there is anything, anything at all I can do, let me know. Like e, I'm on the west coast, but know that positive thoughts, good vibes and a strong wish for your health. (And I do think you should let us do care packages to you. Because that would be fun. And heart-warming and all those other things like that.)

    (I will say that other than an occasional update on the unbreakup, my blog isn't going to have the difficult stuff.)

  12. PS I hope I don't sound flippant. I totally don't mean to. I really want to do something, anything, that will be happy heart making.

  13. Praying for you here in Finland. Pax et bonum!

  14. I can't thank you all enough for all your kind and loving comments. I feel incredibly blessed and supported. I appreciate every prayer and positive thought and the love and light. I absolutely believe in the power of all that healing energy.

    Cruelly, I cannot have chocolate right now as it makes my boobs very tender and I am still in the mist of compressions and biopsies and such. So, yes, I am being denied the one thing that has never failed me in terms of comfort. *sigh*

    Janet - green smoothies - still making me smile. But, no.

    Em - I didn't think anything was flippant. Positive thoughts and good vibes are very happy heart making. More than you know.

    Monica - welcome from Finland. Prayers in another language. Kiitos.