Tuesday, May 21, 2013

(Not so) Full of Grace

Practicing gratitude is one of the many tools I learned while going through therapy.  Besides from the discipline of writing this weekly Full of Grace post, I really do wake up each morning thankful for another opportunity, and end each day with a quiet reflection of the good things in my life.   It is a practice I love and have benefited from.   I am very aware of how very blessed I am.

However, once in a while I just need to bitch.  And this would be that day.

1.   That my daughters, now home from college for the summer, have their crap spread from one end of the house to the other.  The whole garage is taken with boxes and stuff.  I can't get close to the laundry room.   We live in a small house.  I live simply and can't stand clutter.  Something needs to change . . . very soon.

2.  That I went grocery shopping only to find out I couldn't fit the food in the refrigerator because it is now filled with beer.

3.  That our dog (the one that I didn't want - even though I love animals but didn't want to be tied down) has now taken to digging huge craters in the backyard.  Holes large enough that if the lawn tractor falls into one, you need to stop and get a few people to help lift it back out.  Ask me how I know this.

4.  That my youngest daughter, who asked if she could use the lake house with a bunch of friends all going to the Dave Matthews concert, failed to mention that the two night concert was Memorial Day weekend.  So I have now lost the use of my camp for the holiday weekend.  What?  

5.  That my brother with whom I have no relationship, buried my parents ashes in a cemetery without ever telling my sister or me.   My mother was laid to rest without benefit of prayers or ceremony or her daughters being there, which breaks my heart.  Which I'm sure was his intention.

Okay, I feel better now.   My daughters will hug me and the dog will give me slurpy kisses and will all be forgiven.   And I will again be back next week, grateful for raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens . . .


9 comments:

  1. Like you mother used to always say - "This too shall pass."

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    1. And most of it already has.

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  2. Oh dear! I do hope that things get better for you soon.

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    1. Just a mild vent. Things are already better, thanks.

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  3. You know, three things:

    I would tell your daughter that you'll be there over Memorial Day weekend AND the kids are welcome there. (This may not have been strategic on her part, it wouldn't have been on my kid's part but it would have been on MY part as a kid. Either way, it's a good reminder that the moms need ALL the information.)

    My father and uncle buried my mother without telling me and I still, to this day, don't know exactly where she is. I think my father is on my step-mother's mantel, as she's way too cheap for a plot. Anyway, you can still go and do prayers. They will still work. You can create a beautiful ceremony, invite a minister to preside is you wish, go with the girls and Martha and cousins and do it now. Or on a date that is significant to you.

    I went to the (approximate) location where my mother's ashes are and did this many years ago. It was just me, alone, sitting on the ground. I didn't even have flowers with me. But I sat and thought about my mother and how much I loved her and how much I missed her. In a while, a few turkeys (the birds, not relatives) walked past and I heard the babble of the small brook where she is and I felt peaceful about the whole thing, afterwards.

    The other side is far less time-oriented than we are, to get woo-woo on you for a minute. It's fine to do it whenever.

    Just thinking about the tractor makes my back hurt.

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    1. We share a dock with our neighbor so we told her that we have to come up to get the dock and boat in. She is okay with having us there during the day but there is not enough room to sleep everyone.

      We found out where our parents are now buried and my sister and I will have our own ceremnony when I am there in June. Mostly I am upset because, like me, my mother did not want to be buried and I can't do anything about that now.

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  4. Oh, those kids! Argh! I swear, when I go to visit my daughter it's all I can do to NOT pick up after her and her husband. In my mind I am putting my hands on my hips and saying, "I did not raise you like this!" Of course, I don't do it. Or, haven't yet. Much as I love her, some things drive me crazy! And, I'm no neatnik.

    Your brother is a rat fink. It's probably unkind to rats to refer to him that way. Of course it was intentional. But, I agree with thediarist, you can have a ceremony whenever you want. When my partner's father died, there was a lot of conflict about services and burials. In the end, there were two services, one held by his children and family and the other held by his most current wife. Of course, she got to pick the cemetery and she picked a funky one. She also collected all the inheritance and didn't give his children a single solitary item, let alone money.

    Isn't it great to wake up full of gratitude? And then have it all come crashing down around your ears? Enjoy the summer!!!!

    xoxo

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    1. I have such a love/hate relationship with my children right now. Our house is just too small for their stuff and they are accumulating furniture since they will both have houses next semester. Fortunately Beanie's lease starts June 1st and we can move most of her stuff then.

      Just when I think my brother can't get any lower - he finds a way. But I am finding that there seems to be one in every family. As T has apparently found out also. Sad.

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  5. I'm glad to read that much of this storm has passed and that maybe, hopefully you will find a way to be in the woods over the weekend.

    xoxox.

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