Friday, January 23, 2015

January blah

I am having a little trouble getting out of first gear.

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I was going to write a post about what I learned in 2014, which was mostly about being humbled.  I didn’t get around to writing it.

And then I was going to write about my plans, intentions and resolutions for 2015.  That didn’t happen either. Apparently I am not quite ready for 2015.  Maybe soon.

I did take an awesome Italian pastry cooking class with my oldest daughter.  Most of it was way beyond my skill level but I did make these.



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And then I spent a week with both my daughters in a place where the grass was still green and the temps were at least 60 degrees warmer than home.   I was still recuperating from the ruptured appendix so I required a lot of rest.  I slept a lot.   I began to feel old and sorry for myself.

I came home and my surgery got delayed because I developed a wicked cold and cough.  I started getting a little depressed about it because I just want all this medical stuff to be over and I still have two more surgeries after this.  

Then finally I had my decrepit appendix removed.  The surgery was easy, the anesthesia was a bitch.   It felt like triggering while being held under water.  And I have since been struggling to snap myself out of that fog.  

I have an undefined sadness that I can’t seem to shake.  Probably made more difficult because I can’t do anything physical while I’m recuperating.  I’m not even allowed to take a sauna for 4 weeks! So I sit.  Or nap.  

And then once I feel better I will need another surgery which will knock me down again.  

Arrrgggghhhhh!

Then I remembered that writing here helps me get through the doldrums.   

Sorry this is one long, sad, whining, complaining post.

I feel better already : )








12 comments:

  1. Sometimes venting helps! :)

    Those pastries look great.

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    1. It's amazing how much venting can help. Especially when it helps me realize that I have so much to be grateful for.

      Notice I did not post a picture of the cannolis I made. They tasted good but looked like nothing I had ever seen before : )

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  2. Of course writing makes you feel better - keep doing it!

    60 degrees warmer sounds VERY appealing. ;)

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    1. How easy it is to fall out of the habit of writing here. And yet it always makes me feel better. So yes, keep doing it.

      We always try to take a short winter break to a warmer climate. It does wonders for the soul. But I always like to come back to the snow. I would miss having seasons.

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  3. ah 8, i've been too absent from my blog and too into myself to check in with you and i'm sorry for that because it's certainly not that i don't care.

    this sounds tough: forced contemplation and introspection and rest. i do know you'll come out the other side in one piece. you know that too, right? xo

    love
    kj

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    1. I laughed out loud at your comment about coming out the other side in one piece because most of my depression has been about how many body pieces I need to be have cut off or out lately. But, yes, I do know I will eventually come out of the doldrums. Forced idleness is not helping the progress though.

      And I have missed you. I hope you too will start writing again!

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  4. Even in the midst of medical procedures and the requisite recuperation, came enjoyment, warmth, and pastries.

    Where pastries are can't be all bad. They look fabulous.

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  5. I'm just glad you're home and safe and sound. I know the business about resting and recuperating and taking it easy is rough. May I suggest playing a musical instrument? It's actually a very physical thing, but not like hiking. Just a thought.

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  6. You know, pain and sickness just take a toll. No one understands that until they go through it. It is very, very humbling for me to be hobbling around with a cane and see my 80 year old neighbor speed walking by me. Hang in there.

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  7. Well, I am glad you are back - and hopefully you will be on the move again soon. Sometimes it just feels good to vent. I often send an email to my partner venting and say just read it - I don't want to hear how it will get better... I hope your other two surgeries go well!

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  8. I've had some computer issues lately, 8, so this comment is very late. BUT ----- still heartfelt.
    You know you can whine, vent, complain, whinge, whatever, in my direction. In a funk? Who better to listen and not fix it than a fellow sufferer?! Bring it on, whenever you feel the need, ok?
    Love to you, my dear!
    xoxoxoxoxo

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