In Greek mythology Sisyphus was a king punished by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this throughout eternity.
I am beginning to feel the same way.
Twenty five years of rolling the PTSD boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down and start again.
Only this time, this time I thought I had finally reached the top. Over two years of intense, gut shredding therapy and I thought I had conquered it once and for all.
But with the death of my friend and therapist I watched that boulder roll right back down, and I am back on the bottom, having to start pushing it back up the hill. Again.
Okay, I know how to do this:
how to deal with the feelings of anxiety -
laugh, cry, exercise hard, make love (gently)
how to manage the PTSD symptoms -
get enough rest, focus on gratutude, rely on supportive friends and family, breathe, focus on the present, focus on the love in my life. Be aware. Administer self care. Concentrate, focus, write, breathe, pray. Repeat.
I had once posted this video in relation to keeping New Year’s resolutions. But it is even more true for me now. I’ve got to push this cock sucking boulder up the mother fucking hill.
I can do this.