The last few weeks have been a blur of too many commitments, too much travel, and way too many emotional jolts. An exhausting school and work schedule, some serious issues with Martha yet to be addressed, a horrendous lunch with Daphne’s mother, Daphne’s extremely emotional journal, my mother’s health concerns, and the seemingly endless grind of therapy.
This past weekend I put on the brakes. I announced to friends and family that I would be doing nothing. All weekend. Nothing. And to make it almost perfect, I had the house to myself. Beanie is in Florida with her ‘girls gone wild’ friends for spring break. Peachie’s social calendar was filled, and Martha was involved with a basketball tournament.
Saturday morning Martha asked if I wanted to go a bball game with her.
Me: No thanks.
Her: Want me to leave you a list of things that need to be done around the house?
Me: Absolutely not.
I laid in bed most of the day, not really sleeping but not really awake either. I would get up to get some eat junk food, flop on the couch for while, nap, take a sauna, read a little, wonder aimlessly around the house.
When the phone rang I checked the caller ID before picking up. Once Beanie called: “The weather is beautiful here. We party all night and sleep on the beach all day. You should see my tan line.”
Well, I guess I should be happy that she is at least wearing something that is giving her a tan line.
Once a friend called: “You want to go get something to eat?”
Me: Hmmm. No thanks.
Her: Are you okay? You never turn down food?
Me: Yeah but I haven't even showered and I don’t feel like getting dressed.
Sunday evening my mom called: “your cousin Anna is fine. They felt the earthquake but no damage.”
Really? I didn’t even know my cousin was living in Japan. And I couldn’t rouse myself to watch the news. It was just too damn real. There was nothing in the outside world that appealed to me.
But this morning, still in the same PJs from Saturday, I woke with a start realizing there was no real food in the house. Ran out for groceries at 5:30 so I could make Peachie’s lunch before she left for school. Got her out the door and started the laundry which had mysteriously multiplied over the weekend. Opened the computer to start answering emails. Took out the garbage and then on to work.
Sometimes I think I would like to be a hermit - live a solitary life, me and 57 cats, pad around the house in my PJs, never going out, not caring what day it is, eating nothing but chips and chocolate and ice cream.
But then I think its probably a good thing that I have obligations and people who depend on me. I really could be a total slug. And it is not pretty.