2010 was not my best year. Not my worst either. I have come to think of it as a year of challenges. Here are some:
Beanie - my first born graduated High School with amazing academic and athletic honors (she definitely didn’t get that from me) and went off to college. She is loving it, so that has made the separation easier. That, and she manages to come home at least once a month. With her laundry.
Peachie - survived her junior year and started her college application process. That we survived that is a miracle in and of itself. She has been accepted at her first choice, which only accepts 20 freshman into her chosen program, so she is very happy. Unfortunately she is not eligible for the kind of academic scholarships Beanie received and we have yet to even talk about the financials. It will continue to be a challenge.
Martha - we came through another year together, intact, and that is saying something. We had a lot of laughs, quite a few arguments, and continued to sweep under the rug problems we should be tackling. But when all is said and done, we kiss each other good morning and good night and know that we are loved. Sometimes that is not enough. But mostly it is.
Daphne - after years of not knowing when she died or where, or if, she was buried, I now know. Going to her grave site was the most emotionally wrenching thing I have ever done in my life. It answered some haunting questions, but in the end, nothing really changed. Still, I am grateful to her mother for giving me that gift.
Toni - killed by a drunk driver. The hole in my heart is huge.
Triggers - Therapy eventually became overwhelming for me this year, and I stopped. (Although I am returning this week.) But I did finally learn the source of a couple of serious triggers. This is a relief to me as there is nothing worse than being hit by a ton of bricks when you have no idea why or where it came from. Now I can still get hit, but at least I understand it. It was a major step for me.
Bets - I made 17 bets on sporting events this year. I lost 15 of them. Still, mostly I bet lunches so even though I picked up a lot of tabs this year, I also got to share many meals with friends. My best loss was to Haizey in the women’s rugby world championship. America lost to England. I paid up. And then she sent me this amazing rugby shirt. So I really was the winner on that one.
Faith - I finally made the decision not to return to a formal church setting and rethought my faith in a much more personal way. After being kicked out of a church, I came to a point where I didn't know what I believed in anymore. So I decided to unlearn everything I've ever been taught and start from scratch. Turns out I like the simplicity of the basic gospel lessons of love. I think I will stick with that.
Thanks to all of you who have encouraged and supported me through these challenges. Your words, hugs, prayers, (and one rugby shirt that arrived on one of my worst days) have brought me much strength and comfort.
Wishing you a loving and healthy new year.